There is empowerment in trauma
We've blamed our traumatic experiences for the pain and the innocence it robbed us of, but did we thank it for awakening us to the truth of the world and the gifts it gave us in our rebirth?
Trauma didn't make you stronger; it awakened you
Of course, we wish our traumatic experiences didn't happen at all. We didn't deserve it. It was disgusting and cruel, but that part we cannot change. It happened.
Other people's choices and actions are not your fault. Never having been taught how to protect yourself, speak up for yourself, be aware of the signs, or love yourself enough to be selective with who gets access to you is also not your fault.
Trauma paralyzed you in the type of fear that you don't just overcome in a matter of days, and it also woke you up to the truth of the world.
There is real healing work to be done, but not EVERYTHING is a flaw and needs to be erased.
But there are two sides to the aftermath of trauma, and it's something worth talking about.
Trauma stole my innocence
Trauma awakened your naivety and your blindness to the truth. Like when you find out that Santa isn't real or find out your parents weren't goody-two-shoes teenagers. Trauma pulled off the rose-colored glasses and pulled you out of fantasyland where everybody is kind and loving. And you don't like it. You would do anything to go back to being innocent.
Do you really want to go back to being naive and blind? Because that's what got you here in the first place.
In our innocence, nothing is serious. We're happy, playful, safe, and just enjoying life while our parents carry the truth of the world on their shoulders, sheltering us from it until we're old enough to hold it. The truth is, this sheltering doesn't protect us; it keeps us unaware and unprepared.
Some of us experience trauma early and are awakened earlier, when we are too young to understand and hold space for it, before any identity is secured.
As a parent myself, I gradually taught my kids about the world through my own experiences, and now, at 14 and 16, they are equipped to handle whatever comes their way and act accordingly to protect themselves.
Our innocence may be gone, but our ability to play, create joyful moments, daydream, and get lost in the fantasies of our own imaginations didn't go anywhere. You don't need innocence to enjoy life; you need permission to let go of what weighs heavy and reconnect with the things that bring you light.
Innocence is a false sense of safety. There's nothing safe about not being able to see what you may face.
Trauma woke you up and gave you tools to face the world
I am not going to get too woo-woo on you, but for me personally, I look at my experiences like my higher power looking down on me and saying, "This bitch. This bitch will change the world, but she can't do that without walking through hell first."
I am not the same person I was at 13 years old, and I'm glad.
Before my experiences, I believed in people's potential, gave them the benefit of the doubt, trusted quickly, stayed silent to keep the peace, and forgave when I shouldn't have. I believed that love was like the movies, a fairytale. I just had to find my soulmate, that one true love. I attached my happiness to this one goal. My trauma cycles were attached to my need to be loved and not being taught how to love myself or taught that people's behaviours didn't define my worth. I chased a lie for 30 years, and that lie abused me until I had nothing left.
I learned through my pain that not everyone is kind, gentle, or loving; not everyone has your best interest at heart; not everyone is considerate; not everyone tells the truth; not everyone can be trusted; not everyone will love me.
I also learned that none of it defined my identity; it rather reflected their truth, not mine.
In the healing space, the focus is centred on the pain, but what about the gifts?
Hypervigilance, discernment, emotional attunement, nervous system sensitivities, and anger are not symptoms to erase or flaws to "fix", but tools to refine and channel into your rebirth.
Trauma is meant to be dissected
There are two sides to experiencing trauma.
The tragedy and the awakening.
On your healing journey, you're meant to dissect the darkness that trauma created around you. It is not your enemy or something to be afraid of, although I understand the real fear of the dark, the unknown, and the uncomfortable.
But if you're brave enough, you can walk right in and see trauma for its whole truth.
You heal the wounds: the pain, fear, lost sense of safety, false beliefs, and old narratives.
Then you refine the symptoms: you turn hypervigilance into discernment, sensitivity into intuition, awareness into truth, accountability, and safety, emotional attunement into pattern recognition, and anger into boundaries.
After all of that, the trauma scars and memories will remain, but that's what it'll become: a memory, without pain, fear, and uncontrollable triggers and a ton of wisdom gained.
A reminder of where you've been, endured, survived, and rebuilt yourself from.
The world wants to keep you blind
At first, the world preys on your innocence, then it preys on your pain and fears. It tells you that your wisdom and new tools are flaws, brokenness, cracks, and that you need to return to "normal".
Normal is just another word for blind, unaware, submissive, and compliant.
How could the world continue being cruel if you were awake?
It lies to you about the other side of trauma and keeps you bleeding on the ground because then you can be controlled and manipulated.
Doctors shove medication down your throat, therapists keep you enrolled for a decade, and coaches push you so hard that you give up before you even start.
They tell you that your intuition is trauma projection, your triggers are trauma responses, and your anger is abusive.
Don't get me wrong, not everyone reflects this perspective. I recognize that there are those of us who truly want to help empower you, yet even we get trapped in the fear of sounding controversial or going against the grain of societal beliefs.
They mask the gifts that trauma forced you to develop in survival as flaws to prevent you from rising and trusting yourself.
Those "flaws" are what will keep you safe and empower you on your new path.
You've got one life, but many chapters
We get one life to live, but life is like a book with as many chapters as it takes.
The first chapters are written by others, but the awakening turns the tables. It wakes you up to a world written for you, puts the pen in your hands and says, "You're ready to start writing your own story."
You're never too old, too beaten up, or too late.
So get the fuck up off the ground, open your eyes to the lies, the dark, the discomfort, refine your new skills and tools, trust your voice and intuition, and forge your new path with FIRE AND TRUTH.
Refuse to be blind ever again.
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